Ash Wednesday 2019

I have continued  to walk into the church on Sundays during the past 6-months feeling empty and void of my faith. I have not taken anything away from the services. This does not reflect upon the pastor and the messages shared or any part of the service. I walk into the church because of this nursery rhyme: “Here’s the church and here’s the steeple. Open the door and see all the people.” I go to church because of the people.  I have known many members of the congregation since I moved to Seattle years ago.

I walked into St. James Cathedral one afternoon last week. I lit a candle for my family and friends, one for our world and one for me. I felt nothing. As I exited the  Cathedral and walked through the courtyard to the bookstore, I took pause and listened to the life-giving water,  felt the chill of the air on my face, and heard the seagulls’ squall overhead. I still felt nothing.

I walked into the Cathedral bookstore, and I bought the book: “Small Things with Great Love – A 9-Day Novena to Mother Teresa, Saints of the Gutter” by Donna-Marie Cooper O’Boyle. She wrote: “We rush from one activity to the next – without too  much  thought about what we might have missed had we paused to take in the moment instead of rushing to the next experience. Could we have missed an important encounter? Could we have lost the opportunity to help someone in a transforming way?”

I sat in the same small pew with the back against the wall last Sunday looming a hat. The pew seat two adults comfortably. A man walked in and sat down next too me with his bags. (Some of us carry past baggage. He carried his belongings.) I smiled and continued looming. I noticed the look on his face. It was intense. He prayed fervently and without ceasing. I focused on him and his hands as he rocked back in forth in prayer. When it was time for communion, he opened his eyes and his face relaxed and emanated peace.

Perhaps, he helped me to transform in a small way. I found him after coffee time and said, “I hope you come back  to Sunday service. I would like if you would sit with me.” He smiled, and I thought on my walk home: “You never know who Jesus will be disguised as.”